I feel like Jacob.
Not because I'm using a stone for my pillow (1) but because I'm wrestling with God (2).
 Jacob wrestled in body.
I'm wrestling in prayer.
Grappling to know God's will.
Struggling to detect His leading.
Why all my spiritual tossing and turning? Because of what happened this month on the 5th of June 2007. A phone call informed me of a Divine Call.
No burning coal on my lips (3) nor a blinding light in my eyes (4).
No fiery bush (5) nor firm command (6).
Just a word in my ear from a brother in the States: "The Administrative Committee for Africa is extending a Call to you..."
In what country would I live? Malawi.
In what city would I reside? Lilongwe.
What work would I do? Gospel ministry in the bush and mentoring pastors of the Lutheran Church of Central Africa.
And as soon as the conversation ended, the wrestling began.
Lord, do You want us to stay in Zambia or go to Malawi?
Two weeks into the match hasn't lessened the intensity. In fact, if anything, it has increased. The last stanza of hymn #409 in Christian Worship sums up what I've been pleading...
Show me what I am to do;
Ev'ry hour my strength renew.
Let me live a life of faith;
Let me die your people's death.
Great words from a great hymn writer. In fact, he's the same one who wrote Amazing Grace. I suspect that John Newton wrestled a time or two with the Lord as well.
Haven't you?
Ever have something laid upon your heart that took you to your knees in prayer? Dealt with an issue that had you seeking out advice? Ever stay up half the night wondering where in the world you ought to go? Or what to do?
Ever feel like Jacob?
We remember his bout with the Lord, let's not forget his boldness! The Lord said, "let me go, for it is daybreak!" (7) Jacob replied, "I will not let you go unless you bless me." (8).
Wow! That's bold! And God responded! He even gave Jacob a new name! (9).
Bold conviction. Exactly what God wants from us, too! A spiritual striving for a spiritual blessing! Persistence in prayer that clings to God's promises! Holding tightly onto God with our hands of faith!
God blessed Jacob. Jacob let go.
I still haven't. I'm still wrestling. But John Newton's hymn has brought to my mind some truths that are too easily overlooked when you're full of questions and out of answers. Long before he begs (in stanza 6) Show me what I am to do, Newton makes some bold statements about the One with whom we are wrestling!
It's much better if you simply grab the hymnal and read the hymn itself; or sing it for that matter! But just in case you don't have a hymnal or don't have one near you at the moment, here are a a number of encouraging truths drawn from the first five stanzas...
- Jesus loves to answer prayer!
- Jesus will never turn away!
- The One to whom we are coming is a King!
- We can never ask too much!
- The Lord removes our load of sin!
- Jesus' blood was spilt for sinners!
- Jesus gives us spiritual rest!
- Jesus is our Guide, Guard and Friend!
Great truths to keep in mind when wrestling in prayer and tangled up in choices.
I still feel like Jacob. But I know that God will bless me, too.
And the next time someone asks me why I'm limping, I'm not going to talk about the arthritis in my hip. I'm just going to tell them that, like Jacob, I've been wrestling with God.
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